


Devil's Train

by RedPineTree



Series: Crack!fics [1]
Category: Daredevil (TV), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Defenders (Marvel TV)
Genre: Author Is Sleep Deprived, Author is on a writer's block, BAMF Danny Rand, BAMF Foggy Nelson, BAMF Luke Cage, Bruce is a bad liar, Bruce is done with Ross's shit, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Defenders compliant? Kinda, Foggy is done with Matt's shit, Gen, General Ross is a dick, Heroes for Hire, How Do I Tag, I Don't Even Know, It's confusing, Kinda confusing with the timelines, Like Luke and Danny know each other and know Daredevil but don't know Matt is Daredevil, Matt is too trusting, Matt's a good person, Not Beta Read, Not Canon Compliant, The Avengers Are Good Bros, The army are douchebags, The author is so done with everyone's shit, but that’s okay because this is a crack fic, i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-16
Updated: 2017-12-28
Packaged: 2018-11-14 16:04:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11211465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RedPineTree/pseuds/RedPineTree
Summary: "Foggy? I need a favor."Bruce and Matt meet in unfortunate circumstances. Fortunately, things get better from there. Slightly.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I don't even know what I'm doing.

 

“Trust me. You don't want to see me angry.” A quiet male voice reached Matt’s ears from where he stood atop a building, patrolling the city for crime or any bird stragglers from earlier.

 

Around four, the Avengers had been called in again. They had been fighting near to Hell’s Kitchen and Matt had come pitched-in. The enemy was some escaped science experiment, something Barton had not-so-affectionately dubbed, “Freaking screeching acid spitting gargoyles.”

 

The “gargoyles” were actually huge genetically mutated birds that actually  _ could _ spit acid and they were horribly aggressive. Unfortunately for the gargoyles, but fortunately for the Avengers and Daredevil, the gargoyles were easily killable, no secret plating or protection at all. 

 

A few managed to fly away before the battle was over, which was partially why Matt was keeping an eye— well, ear out for any demonic bird screeches. 

 

“We won't like you when you get angry? Ross told us you'd probably say that. Needless to say, we came prepared for you, freak.” 

 

_ Freak, huh? Must be a mutant in trouble or something.  _ Matt leapt onto a closer rooftop, drawing out his baton in case a fight broke out. 

 

“S.H.I.E.L.D. won't be pleased, you know. The team, they're gonna look for me. When they find you, they're gonna kill you.” The mutant said, his voice trembling a little. 

 

_ They? SHIELD?  _

 

“Oh, that true? They'll just get in trouble. Admit it, you're a freak. They don't care about you. They just like that you're a weapon. They won't look for you at all. Doesn't matter anyway. You're property of the U.S. Army.” A man snapped back, and Matt heard the cocking of a gun. 

 

“Watch out!” Matt barked, but there was an odd whistle as something thin flew through the air and into the mutant’s neck. The mutant grunted in pain, and there was a small thud as he fell.

 

_ Not a bullet then,  _ Matt mused to himself, and the two men, probably from the army, were looking in his direction now. 

 

“Who’s there? Reveal yourself!” One of them yelled, and Matt stayed crouched, staying still as possible. 

 

“Do’ya think it’s the Devil?” The other asked, moving closer towards the mutant. That’s when Matt leapt down, landing straight onto the first man’s back. The man fell under Matt’s weight, and was easily struck out by his billy club.

 

“I have a gun!” The second man warned, and Matt just grinned at him. The man’s heartbeat was wild and he was obviously scared.  

 

(It was barely an obstacle; the second man ran away the moment Matt disarmed him.)

 

Matt stood in the alley, the mutant knocked out on the ground. He sighed and took out his phone. 

 

“Foggy? I need a favor.” 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bruce wakes up and has a somewhat meaningful, question filled, conversation. (More like interrogation.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no excuse other than school, but at least when the power went out for a few days, I had plenty of time to write...

“So you beat up people from the military to save a dangerous, half naked, mutant because…?” 

“We don’t even know if he’s dangerous, Foggy. The army overreacts and they’re douchebags anyway.”

“I swear, we’re going to get into so much trouble for this. When that happens, I’m throwing you under the bus, asshole.” 

“Yeah, yeah, whatever, Foggy.” 

Bruce blinked, opening his eyes slowly. He was on a couch, which was weird. Last thing he remembered last night was being called a freak by some of Ross’ men before being tranquilized. He had fully expected to wake up strapped to a lab table. With a lot less clothes. He was dressed in someone else's t-shirt and sweatpants, for one. 

“He’s awake.” A voice said, and Bruce tensed, turning slightly to face it’s owner. He blinked again, in surprise this time as instead of seeing labcoats, he saw two men, both dressed casually. One had dark hair and red sunglasses, while the other had long blond hair and blue eyes. 

“Where am I?” He asked, giving the two a suspicious look.

“My apartment, Hell’s Kitchen. Foggy found you in an alleyway with a dart sticking out of your neck.” The brown-haired one said, and the other man gave Bruce a tight, yet friendly smile. 

“Foggy Nelson. That’s Matt Mudock. We’re lawyers.” 

“...David Banner. I’m...uh...a scientist.” Bruce said, still eyeing the pair warily. They didn’t seem like military, but if they were, they would immediately correct him on the name.

“Interesting. What’s your field?” Matt asked, eyes landing on Bruce.

“... I'm a physicist.” Bruce responded with another half-truth, still bristling. He was better known for his work on gamma radiation, but these two didn't need to know that. Or maybe they already knew.

“Um...look...it’s okay. We won’t hurt you.” Foggy muttered a bit awkwardly, and both he and Matt took the seats opposite of the couch. Bruce said nothing, rather reassuring himself that he could make it out of the door in a few seconds if needed.

They sat in an awkward silence before Bruce’s nerves calmed a bit and he finally asked, “Do any of you have a phone?”

The two men exchanged looks before Matt said, “First, we’d like to ask you some questions Mr. Banner.”

“If that's okay,” Foggy added. Bruce shifted ever so slightly so his path to the door would be easier.

“Perfect. Ask away.” Bruce muttered through gritted teeth. He was one phone call away from calling Stark, yet apparently, that was too much to ask for.

“Why did my associate find you in an alleyway?” Matt asked, head tilted slightly to the side. There was a moment of silence as Bruce tried to think of an answer that wouldn't have the two civilians running to call law or the army.

“Altercation gone wrong.” He finally replied, and Matt frowned deeper.

“No offense Mr. Banner, but what type of altercation leads to you having a dart in your neck?” Foggy questioned incredulously, and Bruce snorted a little.

“I just told you. One that went wrong. Very, very wrong.” 

“Feel like explaining what went wrong about it?” 

Bruce knew his eye twitched, fists clenching and unclenching. Damn lawyers. He had forgotten how annoying they were. He forced himself to calm down, breathing rhythmically. 

“Not particularly.” Bruce replied shortly, closing his eyes at the memories that flooded him. “Freak.” Rang out in his head, and he sighed, fighting the urge to curl in on himself a bit.

Matt suddenly stiffened, practically snapping up in his seat. “The dart they shot you with. Do you know if it had any type of tracking device?” He spoke in a rapid tone, urgency in his tone. 

“I- um.” Bruce paused, focusing hard. He could hear creaking on the steps. Quiet whispering. The cock of a gun. Ross. “Fuck. Damnit.” He cursed. “I'm sorry. I've led them right to you.” He muttered, and Foggy let out a strangled sounding, “What?!” 

“I didn't even think. Fuck!” Bruce growled, getting up and beginning to pace. Letting yep civilians get into this? What the hell had he been thinking? Anyone who helped him always got hurt one way or another.

“David, calm down. Who's after you and why?” Matt asked, voice calm, but his body spoke another language. He was stiff as a board, ready and tense. Bruce couldn't help but feel slightly suspicious once more at the pair, yet spat the words out like they were poison on his tongue.

“The army. They want to use me.” 

“For what?” Matt's tone was rushed once more, and Bruce knew they were right outside the door. Every part of his body screamed to run, but where would he run?

“Weapon. And it's imperative that they don't get me. They're going to use my blood to make people into monsters. They don't seem to understand. My blood is radioactive. It won't work! All it will do is hurt more innocent people!” Bruce knew his eyes were beginning to bleed green, and he could feel the Other Guy hissing to be let out and pound Ross’s men to dust. 

“We won't let them get you. Right, Foggy?” Matt said confidently, rising to his feet. 

“Right...” Foggy replied less enthusiasticly, giving Bruce a wary look. “There's a closet you can hide in over there. Close the door tight, because I don't feel like getting arrested today. You may end up spending awhile in there.” Then turning to Matt he muttered, “So what's your crazy plan?”

“Don't worry about it, Foggy. I got this. Go hide, David.” 

And that was exactly what Bruce did.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Matt’s second encounter with the army goes much better than the first.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eh, this chapter is kinda iffy. Wrote it during hurricane Irma during the power outages and never bothered to look back. Characters are probably sorely OOC (when are they not? I'm bad at characterization.), grammar most likely sucks, and my plot is dry and lacking. 
> 
> Please read it anyway out of the kindness of your heart.

He was lying about a few things. His name isn't David for one.” Matt whispered, once he was sure Banner couldn't hear him.

“No shit, Sherlock. I can't believe you agreed to help him. I know you're collecting poor, lost, hurt souls or whatever, this is a bit too far.” Foggy hissed back, and Matt shrugged.

“What was I supposed to do? You heard him. If they get him, people will get hurt.” 

“Well.. I don't know, Matt! Call someone else!? Like the freaking Avengers. You're all buddy-buddy with them, right? I'm sure they could use a new member.” 

“Whatever. Let's look busy. We're going to walk out of here and hope they don't shoot.”

“Hope?!” Foggy exclaimed quietly, but Matt was already at the door, grabbing his cane.

“Come on, Foggy. Man up.” Matt gave Foggy a charming grin, and Foggy rolled his eyes, grumbling as he slowly walked over.

Matt turned the door knob and heard at least three more guns cock. He slowly opened the door, leading first with his cane as Foggy followed him out.

“Um, Matt...Can we help you?” Foggy asked one of the six people who had been tersely waiting outside Matt's door, sounding a bit hysterical. 

“Foggy, what's wrong?” Matt inquired quietly when there was stunned silence, and Foggy coughed. “Well for one, there's six people pointing guns in our faces.”

“I deeply apologize, there's been a misunderstanding.” The lead guy, the same one from last night, started, sounding confused. “Stand down. Last night, an extremely dangerous mutant escaped from one of our bases. We had him chipped and tracked him down to here, but…”

Matt took the dart out of his pocket, handing it to him. “This is yours then, I assume? Foggy and I went drinking last night. When I got home, I found this in my pocket.”

The man took the dart, and his smell changed from frustration to shock.

“Foggy? Like Foggy Nelson?”

“Um…yes.” 

“And you must be Murdock! I'm Carlos. I admire the way you two brought down Fisk. My aunt, Elena, was one of the people injured in that man's disgusting tyrannical ways. I can't thank you enough for avenging her death.” Carlos nodded rapidly as he spoke, grinning ear to ear. 

“Thank you, but we couldn't have done it without that Daredevil guy.” Matt said, and could literally see tension return. No pun intended. 

“Right. Of course. Anyway, sorry for the misunderstanding. We'll take that and be on our way.” Carlos responded, smile disappearing as fast as it had shown up as he took the dart from Matt. He and his group took off down the stairs, and Matt heard the slam of a van door. He couldn't stop himself from evesdropping.

“Split up. Banner will probably try to head back to the tower. Carpenter brothers, I want you three scouring Hell's Kitchen. I trust Murdock and Nelson, but just the fact they have the dart means that monster has been around them. Christian, keep an extra eye on both of them. The rest of you, we're in NYC. Keep near the tower. Got it?” 

“Yes, sir!” The men said in unison, and Matt turned to Foggy. 

“He's having us tailed for today. We can either get Banner out of our hair now, or wait until night and see if he may have a safe passage.” 

“Matt, are you insane? Now! You don't want to leave a dangerous mutant in your apartment during the whole day. You're going to come back, and everything will be stolen.”

“Fine, fine. You have no trust.” Matt muttered, walking back into the apartment. 

“Banner?” He called quietly, and he heard Foggy curse. 

“He's gone. There's a note. It reads, “Sorry. Didn't want you two to get into trouble. Stole $40 dollars, but I'll pay you back later. Additionally stole a hoodie. It's cold. I'll try to send a friend to give it back later. Also made a phone call with Foggy's phone. Thanks for your hospitality and not turning me in. -B.B.” Can I say that I told you so yet?” 

Matt laughed bitterly. “No.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave a kudos? Maybe a comment for this depressed soul. :’)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Yeah? What are you, a couple of freaks as well? I have a gun and I'm not afraid to use it."
> 
> "To be honest, we kinda prefer the term, "Heroes for Hire,"
> 
> Trouble on the bus, and Danny and Luke to the rescue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've watched the Defenders. I hate Danny Rand. But, I do like the Heroes for Hire thing, so here it is. 
> 
> Basically in this universe, Danny and Luke have already met? They made their heroes for hire team and then one day they meet Daredevil on a night patrol and he's all like, "Oh, by the way, watch out for some soldier guys on my turf. They're trying to kidnap mutants."
> 
> Makes sense? No? Well, ask me a question in the comments and I'll do my best to answer it.

* * *

They were talking outside. It felt like forever. Bruce opened the closet door a tad bit. The apartment was empty. Pencil, paper, a phone call to Tony (who didn't pick up), wallet, clothes, fire escape, and he was out of there.

It was even colder than he thought it would be, and times like this made him grateful for extra body heat. All he had to do was get a bus from Hell's Kitchen to the tower without getting caught somehow. Easier said than done.

Getting to the bus went off without a hitch, but the moment he sat, “Going somewhere, Banner?”

Bruce stiffened, sparing a glance at the guy next to him. Short, dirty blond hair, dark brown eyes, brown jacket. And the fact he was jabbing Bruce in the arm with his hidden gun.

“What do you want? Can't you just leave me alone?” Bruce asked, suddenly very tired. He was tired of running, tired of smashing, and tired of Ross.

“Next stop, leave with me, or the Hulk just may make an appearance when I shoot you in the fucking head.” The man sneered.

Bruce sighed, leaning back in his chair. “You know I will. I know you like to threaten people to feel superior, but it's rather annoying.”

“Shut up.” The man huffed, then turning to look out the window, he muttered, “Got him. Operation Trash Basket is on.”

“Seriously? Trash Basket? That’s the best you could come up with?” Bruce snorted out a laugh, despite the situation. “And I thought Stark was crap at naming.”

“It wasn’t my decision, Banner. Carlos said we had to choose between Trash Basket and Stray Dog. I voted Stray Dog, but everyone else said Trash Basket.” The man sounded disgruntled, slouching a bit in his seat. “Why Trash Basket? Why not Trashcan, or Dumpster?”

“Maybe it’s because you belong in the dumpster.” A new voice piped in from behind them. “How are you guys doing? I’m Danny. That’s Luke.” The new guy, a young man with curly blond hair. As he spoke, he gestured across from him with his head towards a mountain of a man with a dark grey hoodie. “I suggest that when you get off at the first stop, you leave Banner alone, or we’ll have to stop you.”

“Yeah? What are you, a couple of freaks as well? I have a gun and I’m not afraid to use it.”

“To be honest, we kinda prefer the term, “Heroes for Hire,” Luke said, a small smirk on his face. “Our friend Daredevil called in a small favour. You know this is his city, right?”

“Shut up! You can’t stop me. None of you dumb vigilantes can stop me from getting off this bus.” The man was flustered now, standing up as the bus began to slow. He took out his gun and turned off the safety in basically the same movement, but he couldn’t seem to decide if he wanted to aim at Bruce, who had been quiet the whole confrontation, Luke, who was still smirking, and Danny who seemed to be angrier than a bull with a red flag in its face.

Finally deciding on Bruce, he jammed the gun into the small of Bruce’s back, saying, “You two get any closer and Banner gets it. He’s mine!”

“Um...you wouldn’t want to do that.” Bruce pointed out quietly, eyes flashing green only partially for theatrics. The man yelped, fumbled, and pointed his gun at Luke instead, who was slowly inching over.

“I’ll shoot!” The man yelled, and as panicked chatter began to fill the bus, which came to a sudden stop, the man grabbed Bruce by the hood of his hoodie and basically threw himself off the bus.

“Hurry up...hurry up..” He muttered, eyes darting around as he reached a hand up to brush through his blond hair. The street was empty, except for two people who stepped off the bus: Luke and Danny.

“Time’s up,” Luke said, arms crossed, and Bruce mentally face-palmed and cheered for joy at the same time. This soldier was obviously a rookie of sorts, and not to mention, horrible under pressure, however that would likely make him more trigger happy. Neither Luke nor Danny looked like people who could survive a bullet straight to the skull.

_Bang!_

The bullet went straight for Luke’s chest, and Bruce couldn’t help himself from issuing out a useless warning. _More unnecessary deaths in my name_ , Bruce thought, but then as Luke stood tall, despite the bullet that had been aimed directly at his chest, and Danny’s fist began glowing a bright yellow--

_Bang!_

Another bullet. Luke was still standing. _Bang!_ Luke was now rapidly accelerating towards the pair, and Bruce’s last thought before shit went down was, _where the hell does Daredevil find these people?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, this was a crappy chapter. I'm kinda on a writer's block right now.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bruce finally gets a ride to Stark Tower, and Foggy learns something new.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've had a lot of fun writing this tiny crackfic. All that's left is the epilogue, really. Hopefully, that'll be posted tomorrow.

* * *

It was over quicker than Bruce expected it would be. The moment the rookie saw that his bullets had no effect, he turned and took off down the street, Danny on his heels.

“Typical,” Luke just snorted, watching the two run down the street. Danny was fast, but desperation was leading the feet of the rookie as he outran the blond.

“Thanks for saving me. You didn’t have to do that, you know,” Bruce said, rubbing his thumbs over his knuckles. People needed to stop risking their lives for him.

“Just taking a favor from one vigilante to another. It was no big deal, really,” Luke replied, and Bruce raised a slightly incredulous eyebrow.

“There are bullet holes in your sweatshirt. No big deal?”

“Happens more often than you think.”

“That guy’s fast.” Danny was back, panting as he approached the two. “I lost him, but Daredevil will probably find him if he hasn’t left the city by nightfall.”

“What did he want from you anyway?” Luke asked, and gave Bruce a once-over. “Yeah, I know. I’m not very tall or muscular,” Bruce muttered, “but I am actually a...weapon of mass destruction, to put it lightly.”

Danny tensed lightly, which made Bruce stiffen in turn. Luke got in front of Danny, knowing of the other’s impulsiveness. “And what does that mean?”

“It means I can’t die, for one.”

“Why would they make someone so scrawny into an indestructible weapon?” Danny spoke up from behind Luke, moving so he could be seen.

“It was an accident. And now they want to capture me again and experiment on me to make more indestructible rage soldiers.” Bruce was honestly kind of tired of thinking about it. Ross was an asshole. Period.

“Experiment?” Danny asked at the same time Luke made the connection. “Indestructible rage soldiers...sweet Christmas, you’re that giant green guy, aren’t you? What’s his name? The Hulk?”

“I-” Bruce started-

“Giant green guy?” Danny was now looking at him with new respect in his eyes, nodding slightly like he had never underestimated Bruce at all.

“From the Battle of New York. Aliens poured out of the sky...”

“Oh. Well, I wasn’t here.”

“Are you the Hulk?” Luke turned back to Bruce, waiting expectantly for an answer to his question.

“I suppose...yes.” Bruce sighed. “There was a battle in Hell’s Kitchen and I ended up a little lost. I was on a bus back so I could get to Stark Tower.”

“Hey, well we’re heroes for hire. Always willing to help out.”

“Plus it doesn’t hurt to have a favor from the Avengers,” Luke added, and Danny nodded in agreement.

“How about we take my car?” The blond suggested.

* * *

 

It was a typical, uneventful day in the office when Foggy’s phone rang. He looked at the screen. Unknown number. Then, with a sigh, Foggy picked up.

“Where’s my science bro?” Was the first thing from the other side of the line.

“Um…”

“Brucie called me from this number, so I know you talked to him. Honestly, you can’t miss him. Or...actually you can. He’s about 5’8” and can either be green or tannish. Curly hair. He’s a crappy liar.”

“Who is this?” Foggy decided to ask once the nonsense ramble was over.

There was silence on the other side. “Wow, Franklin Nelson, did you actually just ask that?”

“How do you know my name?” Foggy didn’t recall saying it at all during the short phone call.

“I’m Tony Stark! I know everything. Except for where Bruce is.” The man on the other end, apparently Tony Stark, said. “Now, where’s Banner?”

Foggy sat there stunned for a moment before stammering, “He took off. I called in a favor for a friend though, and he should be...wherever he wanted to be dropped.”

“Good man, Foggy. Let Murdock and Page know that I’ll be sending a check pretty soon. Also your hoodie. Adios.” Stark hung up leaving Foggy staring at his phone like he just saw a ghost.

“Who was that?” Karen asked, looking at Foggy, concerned by the spooked look on his face.

“Tony Fucking Stark."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you enjoyed, leave a comment/kudos? I live for them, basically.


	6. Epilouge

“How long did you know?” Foggy demanded, walking into Matt’s office. Matt was sitting at his desk, using his computer.

“Know what?” Matt looked up, and Foggy knew he was doing his innocent look behind his glasses. Foggy refused to fall for it.

“That our ‘guest’ was an Avenger. The Incredible Hulk, to be exact. I can’t believe you put us in danger like that!”

“Well he only turns green when angered, and we didn’t do that, did we? And I only figured out when I heard a radio report for him while on the way to the office. It said, Bruce Banner, approximately five foot, eight inches, do not make him angry.”

“I did not hear that report.”

“I did.”

“I- just, whatever. I can’t believe the Hulk took my hoodie.” Foggy shook his head, starting to head out. “Also, Stark says he’s sending over a check.”

“A check?”

* * *

 

"Bruce! You’re back!” Clint was sitting on Bruce’s couch like it belonged to him when Bruce shuffled from the elevator onto his floor.

“Yep.” Bruce just replied, trying his hardest to ignore the archer. This happened way too often.

“Aw, doc, everything okay?”

“Peachy. I was just thinking-” Bruce frowned. “How much do you know about The Devil of Hell’s Kitchen?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was thinking of making a sequel, but there are so many other stories I want to write, so I suppose I'm done with this one. 
> 
> Thank you for all the kudos, comments, and bookmarks I received on this story. I appreciate every one of them. 
> 
> Peace out,
> 
> Pine.


End file.
